You clean all your dishes and then somehow they all are dirty again by the end of the day. (Dramatic sigh here.)
Tonight was girl's night with one of my longest standing friends I have here in Dutchland. Now that she is done with school, she has free time again! Her recent break-up has also freed her up greatly. Fortunately for me, that means I can see her a lot more frequently before she leaves for a third of a year to New Zealand. (Super jealous!) Though the situation isn't ideal or fortunate for her ex, and in her circumstance, not for her either. Well, she knows she made the right decission, he just seems very reluctant to give her up. Thus texting her and making attempts at conversation more than when they were dating. Peculiar, thought I. Would this be my life if I hadn't @$%&ed up? (The more time goes by; the more people I talk with, the less guilty I feel about my actions.) My ex told me that he had still thought I was perfect, but then I did that thing where I had sex with someone while being single...
Rant time!
Okay, is he really surprised? He knew me and knew I've done such similiar things. Also, I apologise profusely, but that is far from enough. He forgets my birthday, breaks his promises, tells me "It's just a fish..." when my fish dies (sure it was "just a fish", but it was my fish; my pet! In what world do you dismiss your girlfriend/boyfriend/friend's pain in such a way?), and tells me sorry. He tells me that that is all he can do, and I'm being irrational for holding onto my anger or still being upset. Sure, I seek validation for my distress. And you know what? People agree with me. He knows my biggest secret. He knows that sex just doesn't hold the same value for me as it does for other people. Maybe that's just how it goes when something apparently so special gets stolen from you. This situation only proves that how we care and think about things is just too different.
Rant over.
I got my onesie today! I'm Batman. It has thumb holes and pockets and a removable cape and the hoodie is a Batman mask. Basically, it's the best thing ever. Be jealous. Do it. The theme of Comic Book Hero's (& Co.) New Year's party is onesie and wizards. Tempted to dress up as Gandalf (full beard action), I was easily talked into the onesie. And rightly so! This thing is so cozy. It's like wearing a suit made of warm, cuddly, purring kittens while on happy drugs. Plus, I've heard it's the best for long trips in cars/busses/and the such.
Speaking of Comic Book Hero, I'm seeing him on Wednesday and our date really couldn't come sooner. We've been chatting and skyping and minecrafting. A few weeks ago I met him and a couple weeks ago we really started talking. But it feels like I've known him forever. He's not just interested in making a blanket fort, he's excited. I'm nervous. I really like him and I'm really looking forward to it. I want to spend the night and hold him and kiss him because I've never felt this way before. (You can gag on my sappyness, it's okay.) And I don't want to mess things up. I'm not intending to bed him in that sense, I'm really comfortable with waiting. But I will have a night terror. No doubt. The same one. And I will kick, cry, scream, and wake up in a pant. Or I won't sleep at all. Too petrified to relive the memories.
Comic Book Hero told me the most beautiful thing the other night. He said, "I understand that you had a hard childhood (I kind of dancce around the topic and tell him I'm just not ready to discuss some things.) and I've had a really safe and good childhood. I want to share that with you, you deserve to be really happy and I want to be the one that makes you feel safe." I cried. Man, sometimes I feel like the most horrid and poisonous person. How... how did I get so lucky as to have someone so sweet and amazing in my life? I don't deserve it, and I'm sure some would agree with that statement.
- I'm Batman (this girl)
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