This bitch part 2! ... *sigh*

Cold like ice. 

It's not news to me that I'm a bit of a bitch. Or careless. Or selfless. Or...whatever. I have documented record of my horridness. Long story short? I slept with someone else the day after I broke up with my boyfriend. This has affected my life in a few ways. First, my ex hates me. I didn't break up with him because I didn't love him, I broke up with him because I wasn't in love with him anymore. I feel devastated. 

So why did you do it?

Because I'm human? Because I make mistakes? Because I honestly have no idea? I wish I could answer this question. Sure, I liked the guy. And I was curious. I made it happen, I did. But it didn't feel right, and now I'm stuck asking myself the same question. EDIT- After having lunch with my neighbour, and talking about everything, I admit I agree with him. He told me everyone makes mistakes. Things like this happen, probably from a desire to feel loved in a time of chaos and pain. 

Second thing that happened? I pissed off a good friend of mine. Who is also the best friend of my ex. Why am I good friends with my ex's best friend? (Or should I say, why was I...) Because he's like the older brother I never had (despite having an older brother). I could always look up to him and talk with him. But I lied to him about what happened. Was is my best decision? No. Definitely not. I haven't really been doing good in that area this week.

Third thing? I have burned the bridges to help me get into the school I want to study at. I will fix everything. Also, Confusing doesn't confuse me anymore. In fact, I feel sick thinking about him. Unfortunately, my emotions are pretty strong at the moment. 

On other news I'm going to Utrecht tonight to celebrate a birthday get drunk. Or...tipsy. Party, distraction, have a good time. 

We never mean to hurt the people we care about. But, we are naturally flawed people and we do make mistakes. Only time can heal - blah blah blah. Why can't I seem to learn this lesson? 

- This slow learner

Let the blogging (re)begin!

Yep, I'm back. I'm back and it feels great needed. 

I could do that thing where I tell you what's been happening in the last forever. But I don't want to go into details. So bullet points!

• I'm working on getting into the HKU next year for game programming.
• I broke up with my boyfriend after 11 months.
• I got kicked out of my apartment.
• Moved into a different apartment.
• Threw a few parties.
• Travelled the world. (At least... the Eastern European part of it.)
• Went to a GTA barber.
• Got fish.
• Lost a fish.
• Befriended my neighbour.
• Started roller derby.

These are in no particular order by the way. 

So here I am, less than a weak since the break up, sitting on my couch in my pants and an Adventure Time t-shirt, writing. I was watching telly, then I thought to myself "let's look at facebook". I don't remember really why exactly. But, man, was that a horrid idea in hindsight. 

Let the nicknames return! So there may or may not be this boy who is completely handsome, sweet and a total nerd (like me!). And he likes me. Or he did, but he doesn't anymore? Or he still does but doesn't want to admit it? Or he is just swamped with school and other problems and doesn't want to lead me on so he decided to take the highroad and tell me to go away because he's afraid he'll just hurt me in the end? (Try saying all that in one breath.) Well Confusing is driving me crazy. This whole (no)thing started a few days before I broke up with my boyfriend. Nothing happened, mind you. We were just flirty. I called him out on liking me. I guess our significant problem is I'm upfront and fast with things and he's slower than a sloth... with relationships. Anywho- it was fun and flirty and cute and sweet (after the break-up). I would prefer to say I had have only a crush. Really. In the grade-school playground kind of way. But then we had this conversation over messenger last night (this sounds like an after school special) and it went from okay to bad. I was hurt and crying and feeling stupid. I cried over a guy I barely know! Why?? Can someone please tell me what the hell? Well I wake up this morning and the feeling is gone. I don't feel upset or petty, and I'm completely ready to blame my crazed emotions on the hormone imbalance that comes with "that time of the month"... until. Until I see a photo of him and one of my friends on facebook looking totally hot. The pit of my stomach shuddered while my heart cried a single tear. Meanwhile my brain is tsk-tsking those shallow parts of my body, and reminding me that he's just whatever. I'll see him on Saturday, and guess what? I'll be sweet, kind and understanding. It was only a crush after all. Confusing is a cool guy and if he's not ready, then that's the way it is.

Tonight I will go see the Hunger Games part 2 with a friend and then chill afterwards with a few people. A-bout mother ducking time! Jokes. (Insert winky face here.) Though, I haven't talked with them since post break-up, so I'm really looking forward to tonight.

Stay tuned for the next blog post! When I talk about Comic Book Hero, and how we already  have 2 (or three, I lost count) nerdy dates planned for the near future! The trip to Finland fiasco! And since I can't predict the future, whatever else happens until then! 

- This little girl with a crush