That feeling when...

Today I made it ‘facebook official’ with Comic Book Hero. I would like to say that “I don’t care about such superficial indications of love.” And there is also a little part of me that says, “Be careful that which you put on the internet.” Sure, it’s not me showing my lady bits while drunk or anything, but I do feel a shudder of concern for the impact that it could have on some people one. But then I remind myself that he already knows all the information and besides he de-friended me on facebook. (Thus, fortunately it won’t be blasted all over his wall in big flashy letters: “Your Ex is in a new relationship with this guy!” (Or girl. It could happen.)) Though speaking of the ex, his birthday is today. My phone reminded me. At first I got really confused thinking Facebook was reminding me, and how that couldn’t really happen. I didn’t wish him a good one, I’m thinking that he would prefer to think I didn’t exist. And the reminder that I still do, would outweigh the blessing of a happy birthday. But, if you happen to be reading this; I wish you a happy birthday.

I spent Christmas in the north of Finland. And while it was my misfortune to not see the northern lights, I still had (for the first time ever) a white Christmas. I took a good friend of mine along (sisters? best friends? engaged?) and I couldn’t have asked for a better traveling buddy. We both of the same interests: food, culture, walking, and small boutique shopping. We also learned a lot about Finnish Christmas, and my Finnish friend even cooked us some traditional Finnish Christmas food. Amongst the things we learned:

- Santa only spanks children if they’re bad (instead of coal in the stocking- The States and England/other English speaking countries?, kidnapping in Santa’s toy bag- Netherlands, or being boiled into stew and eaten- Sweden).
- Before it was “Santa Claus” it was a Christmas goat, who brought all the good little boys and girls presents. 
- Christmas goat is represented by a miniature straw goat and hidden in houses/stores.
- Christmas morning rice porridge is made with one almond. He or she who gets the almond has a whole year of good luck.
- The Christmas tree sits in the house bare until Christmas Eve morning. Then everyone helps to decorate the tree.

We also spent Christmas Eve on top of a hill with a nice big fire and roasted veggies and sausages, drinking imported vodka, and having a jolly ol’ time in knee deep snow. Seeing as it was -3*c or so, when we got back to 7/8*c in the Netherlands, we didn’t need our jackets and found it indeed warmer. And I was pleasantly surprised by Comic Book Hero showing up at the airport.

“You were flying from Helsinki right? Just casually asking.” (I was tempted to send the flight number “just casually letting you know”, but I really enjoyed the effort.)

The next day I spent with Comic Book Hero, his house-mate (who will have to get a nickname soon, because come the new year there will be another housemate), Ash Catch’em, and a few other lovely people. I haven’t seen Ash since the whole I like you/I don’t like you thing. It was such an abrupt decision (made over facebook messaging I believe) that I guess we hadn’t really anticipated what would happen when we’d see each other again. Him being so busy with school and other matters of life and me being so busy with… well Comic Book Hero (and other matters of life of course), we also hadn’t talked much since then either. It’s been almost a month since we’ve seen each other. It felt like being neck deep in water whenever he was around. And I couldn’t help but be awkward. I tried hard to act like I ‘normally do’ but at some moments I couldn’t tell if he understood I was being sarcastic and joking around, or if he thought I was serious. Then of course he was also very edgy with the jokes. There is a left over hiss of electricity when I see him, that considering how much it’s already faded, I can only imagine will be gone very soon. According to Comic Book Hero though, Ash still has feelings for me. Which I denied, given his (what I thought) slightly acidic humour towards me.

- This world traveller